Love and Marriage...

Hi! Dear Ones,

My heart is heavy today as I write down my thoughts. It seems like Jon and I have been constantly counseling with married couples who are really struggling to make it in their marriage. I want to share with you some thoughts on courtship and marriage. Since some of you are at this point in life as you search for mates and some of you have kids and grandkids entering this stage of life I would be guilty of not sharing these dear thoughts with each of you.

This should be a given but I don’t take anything for granted. Make sure the person you are pursing or being pursued by is a devoted believer in Christ. Scripture clearly teaches about being unequally yoked and believe me I have seen first hand the problems that causes in marriage. Recently a dear friend contacted me about her marriage and after great discussions I believe that her spouse is not saved. So now she is learning how to be a godly married woman to an unsaved spouse. It is difficult and I am applauding her as she is not focusing on their issues but focusing on being Christ to her dear husband. I love you all too much to not say this-Don’t court, become engaged to or marry someone who doesn’t personally know Christ as their Savior.

Don’t look for the right person, be the right person. If you are daily practicing your faith and looking to the Lord to guide you in all directions of your life. He will find the person of His choice for you. I recently heard a speaker at a woman’s conference that a young woman should be so in love with Jesus, that only Jesus will lead the young man of His choice to her. What a great concept. I also believe that the Lord will lead the right woman to you men if you are seeking the Lord and not just seeking a mate.

You marry a person but you also marry that person’s past, family, friends… You may think that will all change, but it doesn’t. So be sure that you are 100 percent sure that you can enjoy or live in an understanding way towards your future in laws, family, spouses friends… From personal experience I haven’t always enjoyed some of Jon’s friends, but I have tried to let him enjoy them and to live in an understanding way. I know he has done the same for me in the past. If your future spouses family and friends aren’t believers you need to be dedicated to live as Christ to them so that they may see Jesus and be drawn to accepting Him as their personal Savior. You also need to be able to have trust in your future mate. They may have done things in their past that you wouldn’t do or agree with, but you have to be able to trust and to be trusted.

Marriage is hard. Trust me I know. The first five years of our marriage was filled with struggles. I thought we would never make it, but as we turned to the Lord and let His word teach us we began to grow together. I know that is what keeps Jon and I focused on our marriage. There isn’t anything that God’s word can’t help us with. We need to read it, memorize it, believe it and practice it in our daily lives!

Don’t get married without extensive biblical pre marital counseling. You may think you don’t need it and have all the answers but statistics of married Christian couples say that they have a higher divorce rate in the first three years of marriage. Most issues center around money, family, jobs and lack of time spent together. Make sure you discuss these and many other areas before agreeing to be married. A pastor who is practicing biblical counseling won’t marry you if he sees these things being issues that aren’t resolved. Men make sure that your future spouse is in agreement to the call the Lord has on your life. If they don’t you will be miserable and probably won’t last very long at the call of occupation the Lord inteneded for you, very long. Make sure she is willing to go anywhere with you! Ladies make sure you are willing to go anywhere and support your spouse in whatever the Lord calls Him to do. I chose along time ago to not worry about where we would live or where Jon would pastor. It was more important for me to be with him and to be his helpmate than anything I wanted. My goal is to be the best wife and mother I can be so that he can be the best husband, father and pastor the Lord wants him to be! It isn’t always easy and yes sometimes I get to feeling sorry for myself and for my hopes and dreams that I have given up, but I have chosen to prefer him over myself. Young woman listen and take this advice. It is biblical!! Go back to Genesis 1 & 2 and Ephesians Chapter 5

Don’t rush into a relationship. Get to know the person over a long period of time. A person’s behaviors will always come to the surface for light always brings out the darkness according to scripture. So be friends, enjoy others in a group together, spend extended time with his or her family, never commit your heart to anyone that you have any questions about. You will save yourself so much grief and possible heartache. I know when you are young, you long for a relationship and a spouse, but are you willing to settle for anyone or for God’s best!

With that being said I hope you will think and pray about this and talk to those around you who are struggling in this area.

We in ministry are in the business of creating Christian homes and we have seen the result of divorce over and over in the lives of some of our own family members and in our churches. I also see weekly godly women who live with unsaved spouses. They are held back from the ministry the Lord had for them because they chose to mary a unbeliever. I don’t want to have you go through that. Some of you have already experienced divorce and unbelieving family in your life and the scars go deeply.

May you seek the Lord will all of your heart and let him lead you to the right person to share your life with. He did that with me 20 years ago on February 11th when I said yes to marry Pastor Jon and we will have been married for 20 years in August and I can say I enjoy waking up each morning knowing that my best friend is here with me. I want the memories of our marriage to be ones that bring me the greatest joy next to my relationship with Jesus.

Remember marriage is a picture of our relationship to Jesus. What do you want that relationship to look like?

To close I want to share a blessing with you.

Yesterday the church membership voted to rename our church to The Congregational Bible Church!! PLT!!

This has been a 5 year prayer and we are rejoicing of what the Lord has done in our midst!
It was a 100% vote yes!

The love and unity amongst the church family brought me to tears as I heard for the first time two quiet older men pray out loud for our church family.

It was worth all the struggles last year to see them pray!
It showed me that they have made that commitment to Christ!
I have been praying for them for 5 years.

Know that I love you all!

Thanks for allowing me the privilege to share these thoughts.

Debbie